VIEWPOINTS: Grilling know-it-alls and Obama have a lot in common
We all know him. We’ve all seen him. if you are a man, you might well have been him. He’s "that guy" in the neighborhood, at work, church or the weekly pick-up basketball game who becomes the seminal authority on a given subject just because he just bought something. it could be a home theater, a home improvement project, a new car, a wine club or even a new mega-sized commercial gas grill. you want to know how to use it, he can tell you with encyclopedic detail. He’s the guy at parties who "educates" everybody about a particular subject. this is the guy who reads one book and instantly becomes the chief sommelier for the cul-de-sac or the Bobby Flay of your ZIP code.
Let’s examine the variant of this species that I call the "Griller." these instant Ph.D.s have something in common: they are far less successful in practice than they are inside their own heads. they have read the books, watched the Food Network, they might actually have attended a couple of classes at the nearest adult learning annex. Experts in grilling technology before the first flame is lit, they can quote chapter and verse on the necessity of a warming shelf or an external burner to keep the baked beans hot. they can differentiate commercial-grade grills by BTU output, fuel type and availability of cast-iron burners.
As annoying in their absolute confidence as they are free in advice, at the local Lowe’s or Home Depot you might hear: "The Weber Summit S-660 LP built-in gas grill is for the outdoor kitchen, has six stainless steel burners rated at 60,000 BTUs; a 10,600 BTU-per-hour input infrared rear-mounted rotisserie burner; 10,600 BTU-per-hour input sear burner; 8,000 BTU-per-hour input smoker burner and stainless steel smoker box — but I went with the big John A4TS built-in because it gave me all that plus it was custom built to maximize my skills. I wouldn’t buy anything less, a steal at $2,500."
Practice is immaterial because they just know that they are good out of the chute. there is usually a large inaugural party where the maestro conducts his culinary symphony for his friends, neighbors and acquaintances. sometimes he gets lucky if he sticks to the basics and goes for the uncomplicated — burgers and hot dogs. the burgers might be a little raw in the middle or tough as shoe leather, the dogs a little crispy, but nobody dies.
However, going complicated with baked potatoes, filets from Allen Brothers, perhaps grilled scallops in one meal is likely to be a disaster. Too many different cook times, different marinades and temperatures are required. Fast-cooking food is started first, the slower too late, everything is poorly cooked, off the grill in the wrong order and the meal suffers — as do the guests. the atmosphere is tense as the guests stir and he explains that it "has to be the equipment because I’ve read the manual!"
Yet, hope springs eternal. After one season of grilling, the Griller either realizes his limitations, improves with experience or the grill thrill recedes and he gives up. Competence comes through experience. the successful grill chef is usually the guy who had a hibachi in college, graduated to a Weber kettle grill after marriage and got his first gas grill for Father’s Day. He may then graduate to the beat up portable grill with the Blue Rhino propane tanks, maybe even to the built-in grill and outdoor kitchen after the kids are in college. you like going to his parties, the food is good and on time, and the atmosphere is relaxed and cordial. He’s successful.
Parallels may be drawn between the Griller and our current administration. Obama has populated the senior levels of our government with academics and people who look good on paper — but in reality, not so much. Key posts have been populated with "Grillers" and czars who have read all the books, studied the theoretical and truly believe that they need no experience in actually "doing," "knowing" is enough. Winning the job fueled by hope and change while possessing the slimmest of executive qualifications, he is essentially going through on-the-job training.
I can understand the desire to change and appreciate the concept of hope, but a president has to do more than hope for change. He has to successfully execute — on an individual and organizational level. To date, the Obama administration has not proved that it can. He appears to be the Griller-in-Chief.
We are attending a bad cook-out.
Barry has a new gas grill.
VIEWPOINTS: Grilling know-it-alls and Obama have a lot in common
